I have a decision to make. I need someone to make a decision for me. Any volunteers?
An update: I got into Duke. And Brown. And I have to decide:
a) which one to go to, and,
b) whether a PhD is really a good idea.
Any takers?
It's not an easy decision. I had lunch with a friend from work today who added her insight: whatever you end up doing in life, regrets usually only stem from things you didn't do, not things you did. So I should just go for it, right? I have been offered fellowships to both universities that will cover tuition, health care, and bare minimum living expenses. This is a sign, is it not?
Is it not?
I now have 13 days to decide what I will do with the next five years of my life. Actually, to put it more bluntly (and dramatically), with the rest of my life, since this is really more of a career-decision than a what-shall-I-do-with-the-next-five-years decision.
Gulp.
I took this internship to get a taste of the editorial world--to try it out and make the decision easier. Deep down I was probably aware that this was a disasterous way to make up my mind about things. Another wise word from my lunch-time friend: You usually find a way to be happy with the way things are at the moment. So, despite the fact that things are a little up-in-the-air at the moment, I am enjoying working for the magazine. I spent most of last week traveling to San Antonio and Austin, where I had three stories to research for three articles that will (hopefully) appear in a national magazine. I have three more, in addition to those, on the go. But it would be a mistake to think of this as a decision between continuing to write for a magazine and doing a PhD. This is, after all, only an internship. Really, it might just be a decision between a PhD and the abyss of not-knowing-ness.
I am being so incredibly eloquent tonight, don't you think?
For those of you not so enthralled by my "What Should I Do With My Life?" blog post, may I suggest Lori's latest post, which is, in a word, brilliant.
One day I will be a better blogger.
to see the world the way I see it now
(Most Recent Entry)
introduction to poetry
I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide
or press an ear against its hive.
I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,
or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.
I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.
But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.
They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.
-- Billy Collins
Every tear you cry
Every doubt you have
All of these things will pass away
All of your big mistakes
Your little old heart would break
Wishing that i could take them back
Write down the things you don't want
Burn them in a glass
Write down the things you dream of
Make a paper plane that flies to Heaven
-- Jann Arden
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
help wanted
posted by Anna at 12:49 AM
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2 Comments:
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I actually have a few comments to make. Firstly, thanks, Anna for complimenting my post and giving me a little plug, and secondly, Dona, you're superpower comments were not just spot on, but also highly amusing.
Thirdly, your co-worker was indeed wise with her advice about regrets. As for the other thing she said...*meh*
So here's my advice: You want someone to make the decision for you, but it's really already made. Remember how we fussed around--"Go to Exeter or not go to Exeter? Why not go to someplace that offered scholarships? Why do a Master's at all?" And all we wanted was someone to say, "Just go to Exeter already!"
So I'm saying that to you. Go to Duke. You have such an amazing opportunity. Go to Duke and not Brown because you feel it in your gut that Duke is the better choice for you. And go to Duke because you have this chance, and you should take every chance you get in life. And Dona is right--as you'll notice, Dona always is--if you aren't happy doing the PhD, you don't have to continue. You're amazingly bright, and other doors will open. And if you finish the PhD and decide that you don't want to be a professor, then don't. You get to enter back into the job market with a PhD, which isn't such a bad thing in the publishing and magazine business. Just take one step at a time and you'll find your way.
So let me ask you this...wish excites you more: (a) looking at new story ideas, or (b)sitting on a couch talking about theory?
In your heart, I think you already know what to do. Just let it happen.
Have a been a little too Dr. Phil for a relatively public forum?
hey anna,
as you might suspect, i have no real help for you here, as i am as indecisive as they come. i do second your wise co-worker's observations though- one does generally find a way to be content with the way things are. to make it more complicated, i'd like to point out that her truthism about regretting things you dont do (rather than those you do) could be applied to not going into editing/braving the abyss. That said, you could always drop out of grad school to experience the abyss and also the editorial world.
in unrelated news, i totally was not talking about you when i spoke of adding photos to my next post to disguise its poo-ness. if i were referencing you, i'd have made a not-so-subtle dig about infrequent posting :-P
wouldnt it be great if you could look into the future and see how going down the different paths would turn out?? that'd be my superpower, if i could choose one, though it would be handy to have my superpower when choosing my superpower, so as to know if that was a good decision or not. :-D
dona