I have a decision to make. I need someone to make a decision for me. Any volunteers?
An update: I got into Duke. And Brown. And I have to decide:
a) which one to go to, and,
b) whether a PhD is really a good idea.
Any takers?
It's not an easy decision. I had lunch with a friend from work today who added her insight: whatever you end up doing in life, regrets usually only stem from things you didn't do, not things you did. So I should just go for it, right? I have been offered fellowships to both universities that will cover tuition, health care, and bare minimum living expenses. This is a sign, is it not?
Is it not?
I now have 13 days to decide what I will do with the next five years of my life. Actually, to put it more bluntly (and dramatically), with the rest of my life, since this is really more of a career-decision than a what-shall-I-do-with-the-next-five-years decision.
Gulp.
I took this internship to get a taste of the editorial world--to try it out and make the decision easier. Deep down I was probably aware that this was a disasterous way to make up my mind about things. Another wise word from my lunch-time friend: You usually find a way to be happy with the way things are at the moment. So, despite the fact that things are a little up-in-the-air at the moment, I am enjoying working for the magazine. I spent most of last week traveling to San Antonio and Austin, where I had three stories to research for three articles that will (hopefully) appear in a national magazine. I have three more, in addition to those, on the go. But it would be a mistake to think of this as a decision between continuing to write for a magazine and doing a PhD. This is, after all, only an internship. Really, it might just be a decision between a PhD and the abyss of not-knowing-ness.
I am being so incredibly eloquent tonight, don't you think?
For those of you not so enthralled by my "What Should I Do With My Life?" blog post, may I suggest Lori's latest post, which is, in a word, brilliant.
One day I will be a better blogger.
to see the world the way I see it now
(Most Recent Entry)
introduction to poetry
I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide
or press an ear against its hive.
I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,
or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.
I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.
But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.
They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.
-- Billy Collins
Every tear you cry
Every doubt you have
All of these things will pass away
All of your big mistakes
Your little old heart would break
Wishing that i could take them back
Write down the things you don't want
Burn them in a glass
Write down the things you dream of
Make a paper plane that flies to Heaven
-- Jann Arden
